“You know Margie, that hot new woman in my
department?” said Bert.
“The one who’s your boss?” said Winnie.
“Not exactly,” said Bert. “She reports to my boss,
too, but at a higher level, and sometimes I have to
work for her on a project. But that’s the one. I have
been lusting for her for six months, and I found out
yesterday she was a lesbian.”
If Winnie didn’t already know, she could have told
from the tone of his voice that this excited him much
more than if Margie had actually come on to him.
His crude observation didn’t bother her at all. When
it came to other women, he was all talk but no action.
After they started going out together, she was
dismayed the first time he started talking about one
of her girlfriends in lurid detail. She was amazed at
how he could describe every body part and fill in what
he didn’t see with his imagination. And then he’d go
into detail about what he’d like to do with all those
glands and openings. She was too shocked to say
anything, although she knew she should have slapped
him. And when she told her friend, the friend soon
became an ex-friend, because not only was she
flattered, but she tried to steal Bert away.
That’s when Winnie found out about Bert. He told her
how her friend had approached him and how upset he had
been. “But you told me what you wanted to do with
her?” said Winnie. “Why didn’t you jump her right
“Oh, that was just my testosterone talking,” he said.
“When I’m with you, I feel I can say whatever is on my
mind, no matter how stupid. That’s one of the reasons
I love you. I’d never say anything like that to her or
any other woman. You know, you’re so far above all of
them in looks and everything else. By the way, I ran
across something today that I thought you might like.
I had them gift wrap it in this little box. If you
don’t like it, just exchange it.” It was an engagement
She managed to tone Bert down a little while they were
engaged by telling him that even if he didn’t have any
inclinations to cheat, just hearing his ravings made
her uncomfortable and got her wondering if she was
doing the right thing in marrying him. But she knew it
was an idle threat. She loved him as much as he loved
her, and he was so perfect in almost every other way
that she realized she would have been stupid to dump
him over this.
Since he never brought up his animal lusts except when
they were alone, she tried to shut her ears when he’d
start one of his depraved streams of consciousness,
but he was so primal and brutally honest that she
somehow always got sucked into his lust and felt
uncomfortable and demeaned. Sometimes it got so bad
that she began crying and ran out of the room. Then
Bert was all apologies and tried hard to control
himself for a few weeks.
After a while, she heard familiar themes. One of them
was anal sex, which really excited Bert. She had tried
it with him a couple of times, but it was extremely
uncomfortable for her, if not downright painful, so
she told him it was out. To make up for his
disappointment, she gave him lots of oral, even though
that also turned her off, especially when he came in
her mouth, which he tried not to do. But at least it
was only uncomfortable, not painful, and he really
It also confirmed for her that his ravings had nothing
to do with him not being happy with their sex life,
because oral sex was another of his constant themes,
even though he was getting all he wanted.
His biggest turn-on was lesbians. He loved to think
about what they did to each other, and sometimes he’d
even tell her about what he imagined when he saw two
good-looking women talking, even if he didn’t know
whether they were straight or gay. If he actually came
across a beautiful lesbian, he was in heaven. He
imagined her participating in some of the videos he
watched on the Internet.