The Hard BDSM

I met Damon Pierce and Meister Schmerz while I was shooting for Master Arcane’s coffee table book (something I should have blogged about but didn’t). Damon is a Master bondage rigger, BDSM instructor, and 24/7 lifestyle Dominant. He is also one of the nicest people I have ever met. I would go so far as to use the word “sweet” to describe him, and I really hope I don’t get in trouble for that! 🙂 He has a normally quiet demeanor, though is smiley and quick to laugh, and there is always a shimmer of a Deep sadistic streak that he keeps mostly hidden in day to day interactions. I’ve actually had the pleasure of spending over an hour discussing BDSM with him at one of the many clubs he frequents. I feel very safe around him, and he has my complete trust. I am very lucky to tentatively consider him a friend and mentor. I have more than a bit of a “subcrush” on Master Damon, and it is certainly not hindered by the fact that he owned, trained, and was actually married to my dream Mistress Claire Adams for nearly a decade. 🙂

Schmerz, from what I understand, is not an instructor. He has tons of experience as a Dominant, is a lifestyler, and is most known for his piercing and hook work. I believe that he would declare himself a Sadist before any other term. I may be wrong though… He, like Damon, is very mellow, easy to be around, and has a great sense of humor. I felt very comfortable and safe around him as well.

It was pretty much decided when I was shooting for Arcane’s book that I would come back to Parliament House (Schmerz’ and Damon’s home and studio) to shoot for their site SlavetoBondage.com. I was very excited at the prospect, as I love to submit and play, and I’d never worked with gentlemen as experienced as these two.

I wasn’t too nervous at all leading up to the shoot. It was only confirmed two days prior that Schmerz would be my Handler with Damon operating the cameras, and since I was so incredibly relaxed around Damon (I hadn’t spent as much time with Schmerz) I wasn’t worried. I felt really safe going into it. So safe in fact, that I had no problem eating beforehand (usually a huge issue for me), I didn’t need the ritual of being “given away” by my own man (it usually helps me feel that I have permission to play; since I was in such a friendly, comfortable atmosphere I didn’t feel awkward that I was going to serve, work, and play) and I actually had no problem with my man staying and watching the scene, and I don’t think they did either.

We arrived, I finished my makeup and got into wardrobe, and ate my breakfast while they set up and brought out a lot of scary toys. 🙂

The first scene was just the initial interview. I was dressed like a little school girl, kneeling in metal cuffs, as I told him my likes, dislikes, and what I thought my happen to me that day. I was expecting some tough bondage, lots of corporal, and lots of pussy play. I wanted to be pushed; I just had no idea how hard I was going to be pushed.

Next, we went through some basic slave positions. I think I did a pretty good job. He actually asked me if I had learned my positions before (I hadn’t), so I got the sense that he was impressed, a Very good feeling. Then, he had me strip, and I worshiped his boots. I’ve never done boot worship before, and I was a little apprehensive about it (I’m very hygienically-minded) but once I started I rather enjoyed it. My purpose and desire was to please my Sir, and being the good little girl and oral whore that I am, I licked his boots as if I was licking his cock. He then stepped back, and had me look into the camera, imagine it was his face, and beg to be touched and played with. I get off on begging, so I got really into it, and even wound myself up a little. After that I got to rest a bit, and get a drink and a snack.

My third scene was floor work; manhandling and spanking. I laughed through probably 80% of the spanking, sometimes even snorting. I don’t quite know why. Meister Schmerz is a very accomplished spanker. He had a whole arsenal of different techniques… Slaps that hurt, smacks that were more noise than pain, digging his nails into me, massaging my rising bruises… I actually came from the spanking; it was excellent. Throughout the scene, whenever he wanted me to move, he would just pick me up and toss me around, which added to my sense of hilarity. It was fun. He eventually flipped me over onto my back and held my feet together with one hand while his other hand worked over my belly and thighs. When he started slapping my pussy; something I really like when it’s done right, I looked into his eyes, made my “sexy face” and raised my hips into him. “You’re trying as hard as you can to get these fingers in your pussy, aren’t you Jay? You dirty little girl,” he said. “Yes Sir!” I smiled back. He went back to slapping the rest of me for a bit and then dug his fingertips into the pressure points in the hollows of my hips. This spot is very easy to find once you kind of know where it is and it’s incredibly ticklish, to the point of being uncomfortable. I knew about this spot, but I never even imagined that it could be used against me in a scene. I immediately started screaming and trying to squirm away, but I soon gave that up, locked my arms over my head and promised I wouldn’t move. He then went back to playing with my pussy. We were under very hot lights and he was wearing leather pants, so after a while his sweat began to drip onto me, something I find incredibly sexy. He fingerfucked my pussy to orgasm (I asked permission, of course) while he fingerfucked my mouth, and then made me suck my juices from his fingers. I obeyed like a good slut, though I absolutely abhor the flavor of deep vagina. Yuck. :p If I remember correctly, he then made me get back on my knees and count out ten more spanks. The first five I easily handled, but six through ten were really tough. Then it was break time again. I iced my ass. I bruise easily, and was already pretty dark.

I was warned that my fourth scene was going to be very long, intense, and stressful; but, you know, I had no idea. It was rope bondage with a standing almost suspension. My arms were locked behind me in a box tie and linked up over my head and in front of me, pulling me forward; my hips were bound and locked directly above me, lifting me up onto my tiptoes and another rope attached to my hips hooked up behind me to help me with my balance; and my ankles were bound separately, and attached to pulleys which hooked up to a winch. When weight was applied to the winch, it pulled apart my legs, quite painfully taking my feet out from under me. Not the easiest position. They also wanted me gagged. They started with what I believe was a traditional dental gag, which hooks just behind your top and bottom front teeth and then can lock open at different settings. It was terribly uncomfortable for me, so they switched to a spider gag which is just an O-ring which locks a bit farther into the mouth; it was much easier to deal with.

So, though I was certainly able to stand up, it soon became much too difficult on my legs so I just leaned forward and let the ropes support most of my weight. When you’re gagged, and especially with an open mouth gag, you drool. A lot. And since I was leaning so far forward it just dribbled out (at one point it actually strung to the ground), or worse, if I hung my head it ran down my upper lip and into my nose. There was actually a lot of snorting and blowing bubbles. Now, I completely understand that when you’re doing a bondage scene, your riggers have to fiddle with things to get them perfect and safe for you, but this was a tough position for me and I didn’t really want to stand there any longer than I had to. I asked if we could start the scene, but I was in an open mouth gag and of course they couldn’t understand me. So, I spit out my gag and said, “Can we please start the scene?! I’m not trying to be rude, or a bitch, or a demanding submissive, but this really isn’t an easy position for me and I’d like to get things started so I can relax.” They both agreed, and we started the scene.

He began by warming me up with some more spanking, caresses, and manhandling, and then brought out the cane. My favorite toy. I was already pretty tired and in subspace, so it was very easy to get in the swing of things and take my caning. Some hurt more than others, but for the most part I was pretty strong; I worked through it with my breathing, but there were definitely some screams. After at least a good five minutes of caning (all of the scenes felt very long to me, they certainly wanted to see just how much I could take) Schmerz asked, “Jay, is your pussy dripping yet?”

“I think so, Sir,” I tried to enunciate through my gag.

“If I put my hand down there and you’re not dripping you’re getting ten hard whacks.”

“Of course Sir.” I then received the delicious sensation of his warm hand over my cunt as he explored me.

“It’s certainly wet… Fingers and canes… Do you know anyone who likes fingers and canes?”

“Yes Sir! Thank you Sir.” He knelt down and began a rhythmic caning of my ass as he stroked my clit; right under my hood, where I was most sensitive. I love having my pussy touched, and I love being caned, but having both at the same time was incredible. It felt like I was in heaven. I just melted. I could hardly even say thank you, my eyes just rolled as I drooled. It’s certainly my new favorite thing. After a few minutes (I could have gone hours) he put his fingers inside me and gently played with me some more. He massaged my cane marks as well, and they felt white hot. It was very interesting. Throughout the day, Damon would say “Hold”, as he moved around to get different angles and at this point he called “Hold”, and then left for a minute or two, just disappeared. The rest of us thought it was really funny. I dropped my gag around this time (oops) and asked if it could be removed, as my jaw was really hurting; they put in back in halfway so they could remove it on camera. When Schmerz removed it, I thanked him profusely, and then almost immediately had a big, black dildo shoved in my mouth. It was lubed, and didn’t taste too delicious. He moved back behind me and began fucking me with it as he caned me some more. He did this, with lots of dirty talk, until he brought the intensity of the scene up about as high as I could take and then he stopped, pulled out, and grabbed that winch, taking my feet out from under me. I screamed at the initial pain, and then burst into tears.

I’ve cried in D/s scenes before. It happens when I finally can’t process any more stimulation and I need to release my pent up frustration somehow. Usually, crying for me consists of a few shaky sobs as I regain composure, and maybe a tear or two. Not this time. I completely dissolved into full, hysterical sobbing. Lots of tears, snot, screaming, all of it. I’ve never reacted to a scene that way before, but it wasn’t bad. I had no desire to call my safeword or stop the scene. I can’t even describe how I felt… I guess it was just me finally REALLY submitting and giving in. Letting go. Which is very, very difficult for me. Jay Taylor, besides being my stage name, is the warrior side of me. She’s tough. Schmerz broke through to the other side.

I was praised profusely for “suffering so beautifully”, which was nice, but I couldn’t mentally handle much more, and as I was still being fucked and caned, I soon asked my Sir to make me cum. To be honest, I’d gone past the point of “Ooh, an orgasm would be nice” long ago, but I knew that me cumming was the final release, the final hurdle so to speak, and would pretty much end the scene. He wanted me to beg for it.

I like begging. I get off on ritual, etiquette, instruction, and showing my submissiveness. Begging certainly goes along with all of that, but before now, all my begging had been… tongue in cheek. I always wanted what I begged for, yes, but it was almost like I was playing at it; I knew I didn’t Have To beg, and if I didn’t get what I was asking for, I would be fine. This scene was the first time in my life where I actually BEGGED for something. Where I needed something so desperately with the very fiber and core of my being that I could think of nothing else, and would have done nearly anything to get it. And still I cried. I think he stopped beating me (this part is kind of muddled) and fucked me until I had a very hard, mind numbing orgasm. From what I understand, there was an impressive amount of the length of that dildo inside me, and my juices ran down it almost to the handle. He quickly wrapped up the scene, and then Damon got some shots of my (still sobbing) face.

I was crying as they untied me, and I leaned against my Sir. There was a brief post-interview as I reassured the camera that I was okay, my tears weren’t bad, and I never felt that I was in danger. I tried to explain how I felt and what had caused it, but I couldn’t. I still really can’t. It was just what I needed.

I got a bit of aftercare (cuddles and talks about what just happened) and then wanted to go check out my marks. My ass (where everything was concentrated) was so purple I could hardly look at it. It’s already much better.

I wanted to do another scene, though an “easy” one, so they set it up. I wasn’t quite “all better”, but I was expecting an easy scene so I hopped back on set. They put me face down, ass up over a wedge on this leather cube thing that was about waist high. My ass was angled to the camera, and I was tightly bound spread eagle to the four corners. I couldn’t see, and it was an incredibly vulnerable position. They made lots of jokes, put a (completely unwanted) ball gag in my mouth and Damon ran upstairs to grab an armful of the biggest dildos I’ve ever seen in my life. Easy scene…

We started by having me choose either his left or right hand; I chose left. He dropped what had been in his right hand in front of me; it was a set of brass knuckles. I still have no idea what the hell he was planning on doing with that… he then showed me what was in his left hand, a small square cap. At first I was confused, and then it dawned on me and I began to moan and squirm in my bonds. “You know what this sound is, Jay?” I heard it crackle behind me, “Uh huh.”

“Just uh huh?”

“Yes Sir!” I wasn’t excited by any means, but there was still that little voice inside me that said ‘It’s okay. You’re fine. You’ve been shocked before and it’s not that bad.’ He worked me over with his hands first, then gave me my first two little shocks, one on each thigh. It felt a lot like a pinprick, but the actual sensation was not exactly being calmly processed in my brain. That little voice said, ‘It wasn’t that bad!’ but it was much quieter this time, and my instincts to get away were over riding my knowledge that I was safe, and I was quickly becoming scared. When he finally gave me a hard jolt, I broke. I screamed (it did fucking hurt) and struggled hard. This was the first time I’ve ever actually tried to break free of my bonds, but of course I couldn’t, so I just started crying again. I was actually terrified of that little buzzer, and I’d never been afraid in a scene before. It was purely instinctual; there was still that little part of me, however muted, that knew I was safe, that I could stop the scene at any time, and that I wanted to continue. I was curious to see if I could take all he wanted to give me.

He was fucking me with that dildo again, which felt awesome in this position, but every once in a while (usually every time I relaxed into the pleasure) he’d spank or shock me. I soon realized that as long as his right hand (he was fucking me with his left) was palm down on my body, he couldn’t shock me. So whenever he took his hand off me, whether or not he was planning on shocking me, I would scream and cry and shake and beg and squirm. The wedge that my face was resting on was red felt, and was soon soaked in my tears, drool, and snot. The crying stuffed my nose up as well, making it hard to breathe. After a while of this, I finally took the gag in my teeth so I could speak, “Please don’t shock me again Sir!” I screamed, in tears. “You don’t want me to shock you again?” he asked. “No Sir,” I cried. “It scares me. When I feel your other hand on my body is the only time I feel safe.”

“It scares you… but if you feel my hand you feel safe?” He held the buzzer and pressed the back of his hand under my thigh; I cried more. “What will you give me if I don’t shock you again?”

I was completely defeated, “My ass,” I said. He pushed the buzzer away and rested his other hand on my ass as he fucked me some more.

I wasn’t particularly happy at this point, pretty emotionally numb. A little angry and upset at myself and the rest of the world, but let me reiterate that this IS what i wanted and asked for and that I could have ended it at any time.

Schmerz flogged me during this scene too, somewhere around this time. The flogger was blue, leather, and heavy. I took most of it pretty easily, except for the ones across my incredibly tender ass. I came sometime during all of this… I don’t quite remember. We didn’t do a final interview, I was pretty destroyed afterward, though I didn’t finish angry. In fact, I breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t taken my ass when I’d offered it.

After a few minutes of relaxing I was able to get dressed and carry on a conversation, even be happy with my marks. I asked, and both Damon and Schmerz thought I was excellent to work with and that I did a very good job. It meant a lot. They also said that they understood that I have aftercare in/from my boyfriend, but that I could call, text or email them any time if I had questions, concerns, or just wanted to talk. It was sincere, and made me feel very special. I left quickly, as I was very hungry and fading pretty fast, but I left very happy, with warm feelings toward the men I had worked with.

To be honest, I’m a bit apprehensive about this scene (and this blog)… I gave So Much of myself to it that I really hope that it will be received and respected as what it is – a beautiful testament and record of my submission and my strength. I am very proud of the work I do, and the things that I go through; it’s a VERY important part of me. If you choose to watch this scene (or if you chose to read this blog) please honor the fact that I share such a deeply personal side of myself with you guys, and understand that it is something I truly love and hold dear.

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