Sitting on the floor, watching James walk off with the two bitches was the lowest I had ever felt in my entire life. “You can’t sit there all day Lady! You’re blocking the courtroom door.”
I looked up to see an Officer of the Court standing above, looking down at me with clear distain. I dearly wanted to tell him to fuck off. I just didn’t have to energy to fight anymore. “Yeah what…ever!”
I managed to stand, taking my first tentative steps toward the exit and the car park where my mother waited to take me home. That’s when the full implications hit me square in the face. “Home? I wasn’t going home…ever. I now no longer had a home or car. But most of all I no longer had a husband. It had all been stolen away from me, stolen by those two tarted up fucking trollops!” I thought to myself as I trudged out into the glare of the midmorning sunshine, sunshine that made me feel worse, mocking me with its bright shining rays.
I thought I’d cried myself out until I saw James and those two bitches drive off laughing with each other, then turning to see my mother standing beside her car with her arms folded and shaking her head in disgust. I broke down and cried again as mum told me to get my whore arse in the car. I didn’t think my life could get worse, but mum was making it her mission in life to rid me of that delusion.
I sat in silence staring out my window. Thoughts came back to me of the afternoon mum came home from talking to James. I had done as my mother had ordered me. I wanted to use the bathroom, but mum had told me to sit with my legs together and head down. I almost peed myself waiting, too afraid that mum would come storming in the door and I wasn’t where she told me to be.
I sat there crying to myself with frightened anticipation of my mother’s return. I dearly wanted to avoid having to look at mum’s face and listen to her derision. The alternative was more frightening than the coming confrontation. Even though I had never been able to win any arguments with my mother, it was marginally better than being ostracised and left completely on my own.
I knew I couldn’t go anywhere for I had nowhere to go. If I walked out I’d be sleeping in the park. I’d already tried to talk to Carol and Pam, both having told me to fuck off and die. Sue just hung up on me without even talking. Beth had no idea what I was on about. She just giggled and told me to give James a blowjob and everything would be okay.
James was right. Beth doesn’t even live on the same planet as everyone else. Beth’s clueless advice was after my call to Carol and Pam who proceeded to berated me for destroying their lives with my arrogant stupidity. Carol called me every name under the sun, telling me I had shit for brains and too weak willed for not being able to control my husband. I had to agree I was stupid, but was quickly concluding that it wasn’t for the reason they cited.
I was an ‘A’ class moron for ever getting back into their clutches. My life was shit, and up until now I couldn’t see why everyone was telling me it was all my doing. All I wanted was a perfect marriage. What was wrong with that? I was starting to get nauseous from having to agree with everyone who told me those two were trouble. Mum was right when she told me they were one-step away from being whores when she pulled me out of school and away from Carol’s group.
I didn’t see it. Back then they just seemed way cool and in control of their lives. Now I don’t think they understood a damn anything but how to manipulate others. I realise this only when it’s way too late to do anything about it. I laughed spitefully when Pam told me James was suing every one of them for destroying his marriage. Fucking bitch, I hope her tits sag to her knees.