As the clock struck midnight on the 22nd of September, 2020, men across the country tuned into brand new adult streaming service HuluX in their millions as its very first offering of original programming, a special adult edition of cooking show Taste the Nation with Padma Lakshmi, went live. The service had been available for download and subscription for the past week and those who had dug deep into their pockets to pay its extortionate monthly fees were treated to a close up shot of the titular host as she stood centre stage in a brightly lit studio.
“Hi,” she said as she addressed the camera. “Welcome to a special episode of Taste the Nation.”
The camera cut to a long shot, revealing a number of males of wildly differing appearance lined up behind her. Her buxom frame had been stuffed into an elegant, though distinctly form-fitting white designer dress. Shiny locks of jet black hair hang gracefully over her bare shoulders, her beautiful face coated, dabbed, powdered and otherwise adorned with a host of expensive cosmetics.
“Now, the eagle-eyed amongst you will have already noticed that the set up for this episode is a little different from the regular series, and for that there is a very simple reason. This episode of Taste the Nation will be very different to any you’ve seen before, and in today’s show I’ll be getting a rather more…shall we say, intimate taste for all the wonderful things this great nation has to offer.
“Lined up behind me are representatives of all fifty states,” the camera took a pan of the row of men stretching across the rear of the stage, “each one armed with a mightily large penis that I simply cannot wait to get a sample of. That’s right, guys. Over the course of the next two and a half hours, I’ll be tasting the cocks, cum, and God only knows what else, of every man on this stage, and I for one could not be more excited.”
The director cut to close ups of some of the men, the wily grins stretching across their faces suggesting that they were every bit as eager to get started as the host.
“OK, let’s get on with the show. Now, fifty men is a little too many for even an experienced cocksucker like me to handle. At once, anyway. So I’ve divided these guys into four groups.”
One of the cameramen followed Padma across the stage to where a large map of the United States was pinned against the wall.
“Northwest, Southwest, Southeast and Northeast,” she continued, pointing to each area with the tip of a yardstick. “Now, of course, there are two states that don’t fit into these categories, the freak states as they’re sometimes known, so I thought I’d go ahead and take care of them first. These men have flown all the way from Anchorage and Honolulu to be here today, so welcome to Taste the Nation, Alaska and Hawaii.”
In lieu of a studio audience, Padma was forced to applaud the two men herself as they stepped out from the line and made their way to the front of the stage. Hawaii was a bald, bronze-skinned man of an almost impossibly large build. Looking like he was dressed for a luau, his ultra-chiselled form had been squeezed into a Hawaiian shirt and board shorts, beach sandals smacking against the floor as he crossed the stage. Alaska’s representative was a half-Inuit man of a similar complexion, whose own light brown skin looked to be relishing a rare emergence from under the fur of his parka. The Los Angeles climate was far too warm for his usual get up, but feeling naked in less than two layers, the Anchorage native was wrapped up in a Nordic-style woollen sweater and a pair of black jeans.